Poet Helen’s funny rhyme cheers up residents across country!


Budding wordsmith Helen Guy has been entertaining fellow care scheme residents during lockdown with her poems about amusing things that have happened to her.

Helen, who has learning difficulties, has used her life experiences to pen her funny verses and then perform her poems online for care residents across the country.

Helen, 56, who lives in a Carmel Care scheme in Gloucester, was inspired to write poetry three years ago after working with the city’s Independence Trust, an organisation supporting people with their mental well-being.

Among the dozens of poems written, Helen has penned verses titled “The day I fell down the toilet”.

She said: “Writing the poems has really helped with my self-esteem as it is great to hear people react to them. I have just taken funny things that have happened to me and turned them into poems that will make people laugh.

“I have really enjoyed performing them online for people too. We’ve all needed something to make us laugh over the last 12 months and I hope my poems have been able to bring a little bit of cheer.”

Care scheme manager Maja Chyll said: “Helen really is an inspiration. She just sees a funny situation in life and turns it into a poem. Since she took up poetry we have seen her confidence and self-esteem grow to the point where she wants to perform her poetry to an audience. Her funny verse really has been a tonic during the pandemic.”

Dirty Dogs and dirty owners

By Helen guy


Along Denmark Road a doggy went,

 out of its bum something was spent,

Yes, the dirty thing did a number two,

It should have been a wee not poo.


Dirty owners not the dogs,

Didn’t clean up after themselves, what sods,

Left the toilet in the road,

Now white and frosty it’s hard and cold.


The next doggy did the same,

The owner picked it up, oh! What game,

So dropped it in the food bin, in a bag,

Couldn’t be bothered to take I, what a drag.


The food bin it was quite full, I could tell,

now with food doggy poo as well,

The council refused to take it away,

Because of the poo on that day.


The owner he should get a fine,

Has leaving dog poo crosses the line,

He just threw it anywhere,

I’m sure the fellow didn’t care.


The doggy it just wanted fun,

It should have done a number one,

As the council would give a fine,

I’m glad that doggy isn’t mine.

The Wasp on the Window

By Helen guy


I saw a wasp in the dining room,

Buzzing around and around,

I hit it with a tea towel,

 It fell straight to the ground.


The old wasp got up again,

It flew around the room,

 it landed on the table,

so I hit him with a spoon.


The old thing he wouldn’t die,

Buzzed around my bum again,

So I picked up a table mat,

Crash into the window pane.


The old bug, he went splat,

I found that so amazing,

Then the realization set in,

I messed up the double glazing.


The double glazing is toughened glass,

 So how can life treat me so rotten?

 How did I tell the landlords?


 the wasp nearly stang my bottom.

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